One of my oldest friends is in town. We’re talking running-around-blowing-up-stuff-on-Halloween-as-kids kind of friend. He spent some years in the Canadian Army, did a tour of Bosnia and other crazy stuff, and has been doing his PhD in History at Cambridge, the fancy fucker. Last year he interviewed Henry Kissinger. I only get to see him about once a year, and it’s always a good time, even though I feel pretty slack when I consider I finished my BA in History almost ten years ago now.

His few days in Vancouver are about the only time we’ll have to discuss a request he made of me some time ago: to be his best man next year sometime.

We grew up in a small city near Vancouver, and he’d told me that’s where the nuptials would take place. This was not a problem, and I started making lists and formulating bachelor party debauchery. Then last night he mentioned something about Cypress.

“Really? On Cypress?” I said, thinking that he meant a local ski hill (incidentally, the site of many Olympic events in 2010).

He said, “yeah…in Cyprus.”

Aha. Cyprus. South of Turkey, west of Syria. Etymological root of the word “copper”. Beloved of Minoan kings.

All in all, a weensy bit more than a 90-minute ferry ride to get to.

I have absolutely no doubt that it would be a fantastic time. The problem is that it’s going to be expensive, and I don’t know if I can get enough time off; because if I’m going to Cyprus, I’m bloody well going to Greece, Turkey, Lebanon, and as many other cool places as I can in that neck of the woods.

I have a good job. I get four weeks of paid holidays per year, and I plan to take every last one. But my Mom lives in New Zealand and I’ve been planning to go there in the new year, and hopefully stop in Perth as well, to visit friends and drink copious quantities of beer with Judd and his wife. I don’t know if I’m going to have enough money or holiday time to do both!

I really want to see Mumsy this year, and I’ve always been fascinated with New Zealand, but how can I let down my blowin’-stuff-up-with buddy? When you burn your eyebrows off with a guy, that’s a bond that lasts a lifetime.

Yeah, I have to do it. I guess I’ll just have to do both, and quit my job if need be. Regardless of what happens, my best manly duties are going to be considerably more complicated than I'd thought. This is my first best man action, but if I can handle a bachelor party in a far-off and sheep-intensive land, I guess I can handle any future such responsibilities. I’ll have to start doing some research, because at present all that comes into my head when I think of Cyprus is Balki from Perfect Strangers.

I’ll definitely have to employ some local aid. My buddy has relatives in Cyprus, but Cypriots are sort of like the country cousins of the Greeks, and the Greeks aren’t generally considered to be cosmopolitan. I’m worried that if Cousin Bouzyos is in too closely on the party planning, it will be difficult to exclude excessive folk dancing, sheep heads in the soup, and lusty kisses from large pungent men.

I have just under a year to work all this out, and the plan is beginning to percolate. I don’t know what will happen, but I am 100% certain that it will provide rich black blog fertilizer. Stay tuned.