I have been blogging lately about my new relationship.

I still like my new relationship.

But damn, guys.

Lisa and I have gone through more stupid stuff than a lot of couples do in years!

First the fire. Then the crazy parents. Now?

Well, here goes.

We figured out pretty quickly that we liked each other a whole lot. In some ways luckily, I was extremely sick with bronchitis when we met, so we were able to put aside all those contagious things that new couples tend to do with great regularity for a few weeks. We took that opportunity to get our STD stuff tested so we could have our tabula rasa and boink each other silly without having to worry about cooties.

Lisa's been celibate for two years, so I wasn't as worried about her as she may have been about me. (*blush*) So my results came back squeaky clean and that was good enough for me. Contagious activities ensued.

The other day after getting her results she came home and told me she had hepatitis b.

Fuck.

I figured out when we'd first slept together and then when her blood samples had been taken. It was unlikely that she could have got it from me, had I been an asymptomatic carrier. I called the CDC where I'd had my tests done and asked if they'd tested for hep b...they said no, and that I needed to come in right away.

I went in, they took blood, rushed the tests through, and they came back clean. Serious props to those guys...I knew by that afternoon. Lisa, on the other hand, didn't know much. I'd learned in my visit to the CDC that it was possible the disease just hadn't shown up in my blood yet, and that there were numerous different kinds of results...not as simple as positive and negative. Anyway, how they would need to treat me depended on what kind of results Lisa had got.

Lisa had gone to the student clinic at her university and the doctor there just said "You have hep b. Contact your ex-lovers." Nothing more, except an appointment with a gastroenterologist at the end of the month for some probing of organs. In the meantime, stress for her, and no nookie whatsoever for us.

The CDC doctor, without knowing what kind of results Lisa had got, wanted to give me both immunizations and a course of injections that can fight off a recent and latent infection. The immunizations were necessary regardless, but the injection course wouldn't be necessary with a certain type of results on Lisa's part. So the next morning I just took her with me to the CDC. The doctor applauded our foresight and pulled some strings to get Lisa's results, which had actually been sent to the CDC in any case. He took a look at them and said they were weird and definitely inconclusive. He listened carefully as we recounted our sexual histories and determined that we were neither junkies nor libertines. He said that he thought we were both extremely low-risk candidates and that something was fishy, and took more of Lisa's blood for testing. He took the samples to the lab himself.

He got back to us that afternoon. He said one set of tests had yielded the same weird results, but that another type of test came back resoundingly negative.

Yep, kids...false positives can happen, and second opinions are good things.

The university clinic doctor gave Lisa premature results, wasn't returning Lisa's calls, and would have kept us stressed out and sex-free for at least three weeks. The CDC doc, on the other hand, recognizes something more important than mere diagnosis: quality of life. He had us diagnosed quickly and cleanly, and took the fear and stress off us in a matter of a day and a half. His honest concern and diligence saved us a lot of grief. We bought him a bottle of wine. He was just doing his job, but we want him to know we think he does it extremely well.

After all that scary stuff, we've had a little happy thing. This evening we bought furniture together. A guy from work's wife's stepmom's son or something was selling some awesome gear for super cheap. He had nice leather furniture. We have cats. The furniture: new as of last November. The price: stupid good.

So now I own furniture with someone. It's nice furniture. I've never had nice furniture before. Am I an adult now?

Once the insurance company fixes up Lisa's place, it's going to be really nice. This means little of my crappy old bachelor furniture is going to play there.

I guess there are a few things I'll miss a little, but mostly?

I think I'm fine to leave that life behind.